...lemon poppy seed but anything in pleated paper will do nicely. "He" is Skippy, the "Downtown Dog du Jour". Several times a week, he drags Dave Dorsey out of the house by his leash all the way down to Hyperion where he waits for suckers like Dave and me and anyone else who looks in those crumb snatching eyes to offer him a small morsel of their morning snack.

Now, don't let his costume fool you. He knows he's not the "Dog of Steel" This was his Halloween costume from a couple of years back when Dave took him trick or treating at all the bakeries in town. Since he had no opposable thumb of course he left Dave "holding the bag."

When Dave has finished his pastry, Skippy immediately shifts his attention to some other near-by "John" and telepathically sends the message that we had better cough up his tribute. He is, as difficult as it is to say, a muffin ho. I know it's not pretty folks, but that's the un-varnished truth of the matter. There you have it, yet another look at the sordid underbelly of life in the Burg...Skippy, "The Muffin Ho". Sorry Dave but we are committed to bringing our handful of readers all the crumby news of the Burg that's fit to print.

A final note: Don't even think about going to Dunkin' Donuts or Krispy Kreme. The one superpower he actually does have is muffin-ray vision. He knows where you eat and he will hunt you down.